So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
