I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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