he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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