Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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