if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
