Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When did angry sex become our thing?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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