we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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