I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
