woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
