now i know why i became what i already was.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish you could order shots online.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
