At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
