Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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