white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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