the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
