I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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