All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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