I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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