so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
