At least make sure they are 18
Why
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
