just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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