I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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