Please, let me fuck your mom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i will never coherently bang her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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