1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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