Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could punch you in the face.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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