I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
