Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
