what day is it and did you see me today?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
