The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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