maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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