Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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