Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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