Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
