nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
