I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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