I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
