My underwear smells like fireworks.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
