Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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