I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
