My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
