Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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