never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
