yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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