So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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