She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
