I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
