spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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