my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
