I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
