I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
