I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize