I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
