I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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