I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
