she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
