Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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