3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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