You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
