it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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