If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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