Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
