Dude my mom stole all your condoms
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
