Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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