chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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