I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
