I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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