thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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