Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ok first of all what the fuck
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
