Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
