we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
